This blog was inspired by a dear friend, whose strength and faith through adversity encourages me to be a better mother each day.
There are some days that you will never forget. I remember sitting here behind my computer; I was pregnant with my second child. I had a strong impression at that moment---an overpowering feeling that something was very wrong with the baby. I weeped. Could I handle such a thing? Later that day, my husband (unknowing) asked me, "how would you feel if we had a handicapped child?" I weeped again. Austin turned out to be a healthy, happy baby boy, and I thought nothing of that horrifying feeling again. Until Monday April 11th, 2011.
Aiden, my first-born, shows many signs of autistic behavior--"speech delay, sensory differences, difficulties in peer social interaction and imaginative play." He is 3 years old. We heard the word "autism" for the first time on Monday, but we knew going into the appointment this was likely the case. The word rings in my head over and over, but I'm not quite sure how to handle it. The only thing I keep thinking is "will Aiden live a 'normal' life?" I held Aiden for a long time today. This time only soft, gentle tears came. I cried because of the unknown. I don't know what to expect from Aiden, how to interact with him, or what his future holds. I had no idea this extended far more than a delay in speech. Do you "overcome" autism?
Before I can research like crazy, I'm trying to let this sink in and become realty. I'm not ready yet. It makes me sad to see Austin (now 16 months old) talk, interact/understand, respond to his name, etc., when Aiden is just now beginning to communicate. Aiden is finally speaking, but he only repeats the words that you say--a condition called "echolalia" in the medical world. I wonder when I will finally get to have a conversation with my son.
I think many parents want to find something to blame. For me, it isn't like that. God gave me Aiden. He is here for a reason. I love him more than my own life. Maybe he can teach me a few things about patience, love, and understanding for ALL people regardless of their struggles in life. Maybe this is how I'm going to learn those lessons best...
Dear Marian,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this blog.
Finally you are going to write a book (blog) about your feelings, Aiden's Journey and all what maters. We talked a long time ago already to start writing down things and it never came to anything. Glad you start now, good for you.
I read this story and it made me cry, pfffffff
and I am at work right now. Glad we have a separate office to sit behind a compie.
Life Changes........
Yes it does, one way or the other.
It changes all your plans as parents how the kids grow up, how you dreamed it would be.
But it not changes how you love your kids, what you will teach your kids how to be a great person, it only will be a more challenge in your effort to reach that goal.
The only thing you can do is keep believing that you are blessed with two great kids who will make a different some day.
You never took any thing for granted Marian and in this believe you will get only stronger to help Aiden in his journey. I know you will.
Aiden can teach you so much now, be more patience, be more thankfull for the love around you and for all the family and friends you have around you who will help you as much as they can.
It will be a great way to do this together with Aiden as a team.
And ofcourse Aiden is here for a reason, he is here to bring your family God's love, to make a different some day in anybody's life, even mine's.
And he is here also for Austin, to teach him that no matter how different a person is, you have to love him regardless and that any person is unique and that they should be respected.
I believe in the great future Aiden will have and the challenges he will take.
He is already a great person to me and I enjoyed the fun he can give to me and the smiles he put on my face, just for being Aiden.
I will keep following your blog and hopefully give you some strength now and than when you need it in a comment.
But Sweety, you are a great parent, A wonderful MOM and that does not change anything, not in this life. You can do only your best and that is all God wants from us. For the rest, He will be there to guide you in Aiden and Austin journey to grow up as wonderful kids, great boys and amazing man you will love to death and we all do.
Love you all very much and miss you all so much, even more now to just give you a big hug.
XXX Theo.
You made a blog!!!! I am so very impressed!! You are truly an amazing women and I feel blessed to call you a friend. I am thankful for your friendship everyday. We can keep each other positive as we battle our struggles together!
ReplyDeleteI love you Marian :)
Marian,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you made this blog! It is so good to hear your thoughts. Believe me, I have been there! I know this probably doesn't help much, but I am almost certain that Aiden can lead a "normal" life. I had SO many of the same fears and still do. If Aiden had a different mom i.e. one that didn't car as much, or one that had no desire to learn all she could about what he is going through, I would not be so certain. But, your love and care will be what sees him through.
Let me know if you need anything!
Sarah
This is inspiring to me as a mom. You are amazing! With diagnosis comes services. I am amazed at the progress the kiddos I work with make in a very short time. Aiden has potential you don't realize exists - it just needs to be drawn out!
ReplyDeleteKim
I am the mother of a 27 year old autistic young man. I can see that you are in a very difficult part of your life right now. I remember it well! We were told our son was severe, would never have a relationship with a human being, would not speak meaningfully (just echolalia), and that he would not hold a job. All were wrong! I would like to follow your blog and offer comment from time to time. I might say something that will offer you some peace. Not sure, but it may help. I can't offer you all the answers, but I may be able to help at times. I can tell you this: You are on a roller coaster ride where your life is concerned. You will have highs that are very high and lows that are very low, but it will never be boring!
ReplyDelete