Coping

I asked my husband the other day, "how are you handling all this?"

For me, I cope by writing this blog, eating too many carbs, exercising (I hope that is making up for the carbs), keeping perspective, and prayer.  I wake up at crazy hours (it is nearly 2 AM) and think about Aiden.  My mind is constantly thinking about Aiden's milestones, and how different he is from my 16 month old.  The older Austin gets, the more clear the pieces of the puzzle come together regarding Aiden's regression at the same age.  Aiden sat up at 5 months, crawled at 7 months, cruised at 9 months, and walked at 12 months.  He waved bye-bye, pointed, said "ball, "ma", and "da" before the age of 1.  He seemed to make little progress after that.  From what I've read, some children show signs of autism in infancy, while others "regress" by the age of 2-3.  While Austin has quite a personality, I don't remember Aiden's coming out until he was 18 months old.  He was a very easy going child until then.  

Aiden became very challenging.  He learned to communicate with tantrums, throwing objects, hitting and screaming.  He runs away constantly.  We go outside to the car and he is ALWAYS half way down the block.  I take him to the mall, and he runs away.  He doesn't seem to understand danger.  I'm constantly afraid that he will run into the street someday and get seriously hurt.  That is very stressful as a parent; especially having a second child to look after.  I blamed it on the terrible 2's and 3's and his difficulty with speech.  There were many times when I didn't handle the situation well.  I'm slowly forgiving myself as a parent for my lack of patience with him.  At least now I have a little more understanding.  I'm trying to put myself in Aiden's shoes.  I am determined to treat Aiden like I treat Austin.  Even though I don't know what Aiden understands, I talk to him like he knows and understands what I'm saying.  It is difficult to balance my time and energy between the 2 of them!  Yet, I'm determined to make them each feel loved and special, and give them equal attention.  

What was Abe's answer?  "Aiden is still Aiden."  Nothing will change the love that we have for the little boy we have raised for 3 years.  I couldn't agree more.