IEP

Well, that was no fun....

Aiden's meeting for his individualized education plan (IEP) was rough.  It is tough to see and hear that your son is falling behind, can't focus, and needs  a lot of extra help.

As I looked over Aiden's IEP notes before we started, I realized that the word autism was NO WHERE TO BE FOUND.  WHAT?!  The reading specialist didn't seem to even know that Aiden was diagnosed with autism.  "Well, that changes my expectations." she said.  Yikes.  This is 3rd grade!  How did that piece of the puzzle get missed?  He has had help since he qualified for Early Childhood at age 3--at the same school!  Not a good start.  

Thankfully, I maintained my composure and asked that Aiden receive an educational diagnosis of autism so he could get more help (thank you fellow autism mom for giving me the heads up on that!).  Aiden NEEDS MORE THAN SPEECH THERAPY!  Aiden can't read the questions well enough to answer the questions on tests, and I THOUGHT that it was set up--from last year--that he would have questions read to him.  Apparently, that fell of the radar since last year :(.  Remind me again why we do these mid-year?  Sigh.  Aiden is reading at a 1st grade level and in the 25th percentile for math and reading.  

Deep breath momma.  This boy is smart, and no test in the world is going to show that.  I do know that.  I just want to see Aiden grow, learn, and find some focus.  Would home school be best for Aiden?  I don't feel right about that, but it does seem that having more 1:1 time is what he needs.  So I'm fighting for that through the school district.  So far so good.  Here we go!  I'm hopeful for a New Year of growth for Aiden!  

Reflections of 2016

How different each passing year is....

Aiden is going to be 9 next year.  That means I've been a mother for almost 9 years!  Motherhood has proven to me that life doesn't get easier, it just changes.  I'm almost to the end of the crib/infant carrier/diaper stage of the life that I've chosen, and it feels good and right.  This year has been a year of sleep and much needed time to reflect on the challenges we have faced--and most importantly--those we have overcome.  

Abe--is in his 4th year of teaching.  When he isn't grading papers, he is busy fixing our home.  This year it was the roof, the bathroom floor, and walls.  Next year it will be new paint and a new kitchen floor.  After 11 years in this home, we hope to move in the Spring to start fresh and new.  

Marian--with her new found time, she prayed hard for the next steps in her personal journey, and the answer to that was to work on personal growth.  In doing so, I've found a program that is helping me build my fitness and nutrition business to what I've always dreamed it would be.  A place for women to go to feel loved, inspired, and to learn how to take care of themselves with fitness and nutrition.  In 2017, that dream will come true.  :)

Aiden--this is the year of communication for Aiden.  He is starting to talk about what goes on at school and how he feels about it.  We've had several moments at school this year that have left Aiden frustrated/upset with his classmates.  It is my understanding that when accidents happen, Aiden thinks he is being "bullied" and he shuts down.  From the teacher's perspective, these are completely innocent "happenings"; however, they seem to be happening often, so I'm not sure how to move forward with that (if at all).  His IEP meeting is coming up soon.   We were receiving therapy 2 days a week (the lowest we've ever had), but insurance has eliminated that option at this time.  After 3 years of full-time therapy, it kind of feels like a relief.  However, Aiden continues to struggle with peer relationships and academics as well as sensory concerns related to food.  This time, I leave it in Heavenly Father's hands.  I've fought the fight.  Now I give it to God.  I love and support my son the best I know how, and that feels like enough at this time.

Austin--has a gift for reading chapter books in 1st grade and blasting through a set of math flash cards without a problem.  He struggles with "gaming" a little too much and a strong-willed spirit/attitude that I'm not sure how to redirect.  I hope that he learns the importance of respect, hard work, and humility.  Given my experiences in life, I know our Heavenly Father will put things in place to teach him these things.

Ashton--loves to play with his brothers, to color, and to play games on the computer.  His little personality is so different from the other boys.  It is hard to believe he will enter Kindergarten next year!

Avery--seems so much older than 2!  He is one smart cookie who loves to eat, watch movies, and enjoys playing in the snow! He seems ready to potty train, but this mommy isn't looking forward to that "adventure".  Even though, being diaper free would be AWESOME for the first time in 9 years!  WHOOP!

High Hopes for 2017!  Hopefully a new home, a fresh start, and some darn good memories! 

 

UPDATE

Nutrition, Academics, and Bullies

Nutrition--this hasn't changed for Aiden.  Lunches are yogurt sticks or parmesan cheese; beef jerky or nuts; popcorn, sun chips, or graham crackers.  Every single day and night (cereal with chocolate milk at breakfast as always).  Aiden smells new foods before he eats them, then he will nibble it if it smells all right, and will nearly vomit if he puts something in his mouth that doesn't have an acceptable texture.  He still has yet to eat a fruit and/or vegetable :(.  I'm currently researching the science behind autism and nutrition for a presentation in March that I will summarize here when I'm finished.    

Academics--this remains a serious struggle.  Aiden has a hard time focusing, following directions, and learning at the same pace as his peers.  He has extra help for reading right now, and I'm happy to report he hasn't regressed!  We worked hard this summer to get him reading, so I feel good about that! As for writing and math, well, one day at a time!  Aiden is an intelligent child, but his scores don't indicate that, so we have to keep that in mind anytime there is "standardized testing".  I will not get discouraged, but have hope that Aiden will make the best out of his unique talents and skills.  After all, a strong academic background doesn't automatically mean success in the future!

Bullies--Sigh. Yes.  It has begun.  On a positive note, Aiden is finally able to communicate encounters with his peers.  Sadly, that means that Aiden comes home with stories of a friend who is not so nice to him.  Thankfully, Aiden remains his own sweet self and still seems to maintain his confidence regardless of this "friends" rude behavior.  

We move forward with faith and gratitude that Aiden is a great kid who has overcome a lot in his life!

School 2016

We are off to a rough start....

Austin was crying when I picked him up the first day of school, "I missed you Mom!"  Ashton is proving to be the "naughty" one in P4J, and Aiden already had to work with the counselor because someone told the teacher he said the "F" word and was called a "baby,"  so he shut down at school.  Aiden say the "F" word?  Ha!  That is a joke!  No way.  Now Ashton, that one I would believe!  Poor Aiden.  I'm hoping this was a just a rough start, and things get better.

Martial Arts is getting more challenging, and when that happens--as we have seen in school--Aiden doesn't apply himself.  Master Holden has offered to have Aiden test for his new belt 1:1 instead of with the group.  I really appreciate that.  Aiden had a "moment" in martial arts where he refused to work because he was upset he didn't earn his star at home (they earn stars for hard work, reading, behaving, etc. so they can earn a Lego set).  I had a discussion with Aiden about why he didn't earn his star (misbehaving with Ashton), and that it wasn't fair to be upset with Master Holden.  He apologized and we discussed what a better solution to the problem would have been.  Aiden continues to enjoy his time with Austin at AKF, so we will continue with the program until Aiden chooses not to participate.

My goals for this year are to get Aiden caught up in reading, writing, and math.  This will require a lot of extra effort on my part, which is very exhausting at the end of the day when my patience is already waning from managing a 2-year-old all day.  By dinner time I am beat!

 Somedays I feel like Super Mom from all the energy, time, and patience it takes to take care of my home, my boys, AND run a successful business!  Time management, to-do lists, and a whole lot of prayer and faith + 1 hour to myself each day seems to help me find the balance! :)


                                            
                                              First Day of School 2016--3rd Grade, 1st Grade, P4J

Summer 2016

Therapy, Martial Arts, and Summer!

Therapy--

You know the system is a little broken when your son qualifies for 40+ hours of therapy PER WEEK based on his test scores, and then shortly afterwards, loses therapy hours completely.  Three years later, and Aiden was cut off from therapy for the entire month of June.  As with all aspects of life though, you can find a silver lining--the positive side--of things.  My Dad had unexpected open heart surgery, and I took care of him for 2 weeks following an entire week of visits at the hospital.  I'm grateful we had the break.  Putting that piece back in the puzzle would have made things harder on me.  It is hard to fit therapy hours in to begin with, but adding an unexpected responsibility would have made that even more difficult.  I'm very grateful for the time I had to support and take care of my Dad.

Therapy starts again tomorrow!

Martial Arts--

Everyone said how karate/martial arts was good for kids with speech delays.  The resources I read, the doctor...so we finally gave it a try.  So far so good!  Aiden needed a little extra push to focus and practice his form, but he got a new belt!  We were referred to a great place.  Master Holden is firm but fun, and does a great job pushing Aiden to work harder.  Focus is still a problem, but he enjoys the time he spends at the gym.  

Summer--

Summer school, the splash pad, a new roof, the Angry Bird Movie, and fun with Marley--our new neighbor who goes to school with Aiden--summer is off to a great start!  Did I mention we have to fit therapy in there somewhere?  

Baptism

What a special day for our family!  Aiden is such a precious spirit, and we are very blessed that this was the perfect day for him!  We talked about living a christ-centered life today, and how many qualities Aiden already has at the young age of 8 that exemplify Him.  Aiden is quick to forgive--"It is ok.  Things happen."  And Aiden is quick to comfort. He is often the first one to ask, "are you ok?"  When a friend lost her baby, he could see the pain in her eyes, and joined me in hugging and supporting her through the grief.  We are very proud of this young man, and the person he will become!

Spring Break '16

No more training wheels, a new floor, and the Easter Buddy!

I completely underestimated Aiden!  He probably could have done this last year, but his scooter seemed safer to him, so we didn't try very hard.  He was so scared of tipping over, but this Spring Break he just took off!  So did Austin! :)

IQ

Yesterday was a long morning!

Aiden retook the Vineland assessment and had an IQ test yesterday.  The psychologist says the IQ test isn't really accurate for ASD kids, but she is required to do it by the state.  The testing will determine (based on the new Medicaid standards) if Aiden will continue to receive therapy or will go into post intensive.  I'm really on the fence with this one, and his psychologist says it will be a close call because he is "high functioning".  At this point, I have no idea what is best for Aiden.  My heart sank after school conferences.  Aiden is falling so behind in school.  Therapy would give him help with his academic struggles every day, while post intensive will teach Aiden more daily living skills.  I agree Aiden needs to learn how to take a shower and use money, but I also want him to be able to read and write!  This is a tough one, and it is out of my hands.  

I trust Heavenly Father's Will and Timing, so I will leave this in His capable Hands :).

3/24/16--Aiden's scores came in below average for both the Vineland and IQ tests; however, the psychologist was very encouraging.  She said that Aiden was able to answer most of the questions for the IQ test correctly, but she wasn't able to document that because he "timed out".  This matches up with what we see in his school work/exams.  Aiden knows the information, but it takes him longer to process the information, making testing an inaccurate assessment.  Now we wait and see if we continue to receive therapy based on his low performance, or we move into post-intensive.  It is beginning to look like Aiden will continue to receive services.  The waiting game continues....

Faith

As I reflect on a friend's lose of a newborn child this week, my heart is heavy....

I know--and have a strong testimony--that our Heavenly Father lives.  He loves us.  Each one of His children has value and purpose--even those who never go through this mortal existence.  Perhaps, babies/children who leave this world too early are just too special to endure the trials this life provides.  They are here on Earth for a brief moment to teach those they leave behind to cherish moments, to turn to things of a spiritual vs. temporal nature, and to find strength through inevitable adversity.  It comes to us all--adversity--there isn't a friend out there that I know who hasn't endured something tough in his/her lifetime.  As Latter-Day Saints, we know and have a testimony that these experiences--the tough ones especially--teach us faith, patience, repentance, sacrifice, and so much more.  It is through my toughest moments that I've felt His presence, comfort, and love the most.  I see Heavenly Father's Hand of comfort and peace as we support and love this family.  I know, with time--and time passes quickly--healing will come, and joy will fill broken hearts when they are rejoined as a family in the Eternities.  

And so we move forward with faith.  We move forward with faith in the little moments, and in the life altering moments.  We breath, and take one day at a time, knowing that joy will come again through patience and faith.  

2nd Grade

Aiden is falling behind in a very big way when it comes to school, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.  Abe and I considered home schooling, but almost immediately it felt wrong for our son.  Aiden is reading at a 1st grade level as we near the end of 2nd grade, and math is falling fast too.  I met with Aiden's teacher last Friday to discuss strategies to help Aiden.  Sadly, the teacher gave me a large stack of books that Aiden made during class.  I politely asked, "when does he have time to make these?"  The reply was that Aiden now asks if he can do them after he gets his work done.  No wonder he is falling behind!  Check this out:

I have no intention of squashing Aiden's talent and creativity, but when in his school day does he have time for this?!  

It is clear that Aiden's motivation to read on his own and do his math facts is low.  I've witnessed that myself every night during homework/therapy time.  I understand that, but without some effort on his part, he isn't going to make it through school.  He is now taken out of class to do extra reading, and pretty soon he will be in special education math.  He has tests read to him--except the reading assessments--that is how they test his reading level.  Unfortunately, that means that Aiden does poorly on his reading tests, because he isn't at grade level.  When we do 1st grade level reading and tests at home, he does great.  The school district's plan is not to hold Aiden back, but to give him extra help with the subjects he struggles in.  

So where do I go from here?  I'm doing all I can after school to stear Aiden's extra help into academic subjects--especially reading.  This summer--along with a lot of childhood fun--I'm fighting to get him caught up!   

Balance

2016

A new year, and already so many transitions and changes for the entire family.  2016 has just begun and we've already said, "goodbye" to a former friend who was once a big part of our lives, and to our pet Loki.  While formally, our challenges were deeply rooted in financial struggles, and emotions surrounding Aiden's journey, I'm happy to say we have moved forward in a healthy direction in both regards.  Sadly, finding balance in our lives as a family of 6, meant letting go of being pet owners, and removing our family from an unhealthy relationship.  

So, January left me in tears sobbing and shaking on the living room floor when a former friend made me feel like the worst person ever.  She invited herself over to tell me how much I'd hurt her and her family.  I said a silent prayer as I hung up the phone with her, knowing full well that the conversation wasn't going to go well when she arrived.  "Please let this work out ok Heavenly Father.  Please."  It didn't go well at all.  

Last year--mid year, I took a step back from this relationship.  I recognized that I lived and breathed this person and her family, and it was taking away from who I was and what I needed to find balance.  I had my 4th child, and I struggled.  I struggled hard.  I was tired and overwhelmed (remember I had 3 other young children and a therapist in my home every day).  Struggling to find some sanity and balance, I kept moving forward doing what I was used to doing before, which eventually left me in burnt out mode.  I could no longer sustain what I was used to doing.  Something had to give, and it was my relationship to this person and ultimately that meant her family too.  I slowly stopped making an effort to spend time with this person.  I made fewer phone calls, and took more opportunities to stay home and cuddle my boys.  It was what I needed.  I had no intention of hurting her or her family--zero.  I simply needed a break from it all.  Instead of go, go, go, do, do, do, I needed more slow down Marian, and I knew it.  

So, I get it.  This person was hurt.  When formally we did almost everything together, it now became my life and her life were completely separate.  I was healthy and happy.  My life was balanced.  I had a ton of opportunities to do acts of service that I took when I had the time.  I found a new sense of purpose in my chosen career and pursued my passion and gained more knowledge in my field (I took the CPT exam).  I started to teach fitness and nutrition classes again.  I found myself, and my balance.  New opportunities came, and as I was able to see them, appreciate them, and take them, I found a new sense of self.  

THIS IS WHO I AM.  I am a good mother.  I am a great housekeeper.  I make cooking, homework, faith, reading, and sleep a priority in my home.  I engage with my kids for 2 hours after school playing games, completing homework, and setting a healthy example by preparing a meal most nights.  I live my faith.  I go to church.  I read my scriptures daily with my family.  I attend the temple.  I pay my tithing even when that means less money for food.  I pray ALWAYS.  I go to church and teach my children the gospel in our home.  We do family home evening/game night every Sunday.  We are not perfect in any way shape or form--I definitely have my struggles--but I'm a good Christian woman who is doing the best she can.  

So what happened that day came out of left field.  I had "burned her" and "hurt" her kids.  No.  I simply stopped making an effort in the relationship because it was no longer healthy for me to maintain it.  I had every right to do that.  I tried to do it slowly and kindly to ease the transition, but it didn't work for her.  "You are crazy".  "Stay away from my family!"  were her words.  Feeling defeated and confused I sent her away from my home where she will never return.  I don't feel a sense of closure over what happened--although I sent a nice message with the power of the spirit after I stopped shaking--we never did talk again in person.  I can only hope that if that happens, this time it will be with the spirit of God, not that of contention and anger.  I know I will find peace, clarity, and forgiveness with time, and so will she.

Shortly after, it became clear that is was time to give up our pet.  Heartache.  After Lydia's passing, and Aiden's difficulty through it, I hurt just thinking about what I was doing to my children.  I prayed so hard.  Please Heavenly Father this hurts.  I don't want to be the cause of suffering.  I don't know if I can watch Aiden struggle again.  This time, my prayer was answered.  A young man that we know who is struggling with depression was looking for a pet.  The transition couldn't have gone more perfect.  The kids did shockingly amazing!  I was so proud of Aiden for staying strong and understanding why mom had to give up our pet.  Meanwhile, I had to excuse myself to sob in the bathroom.  Loki was my girl.  The only other girl in this house but me.  I loved her enough to let her go.  I knew it was the right thing to do, even when my heart said, "no"!  I got down on my knees and prayed for the young boy and our beloved dog.  Let this be his happiness.  Please Heavenly Father.  I endured 10 years of depression.  Help him find his way through it like I did.  I know Loki is in a terrific home.  I know she will get what she deserves there.  I just couldn't be enough for her, and I knew it.  I loved her enough to say "goodbye".  

So, we move forward in 2016 with sadness and happiness.  I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us by name.  I know he sustains us through the good and the bad.  I have a testimony of happiness that comes through doing the right thing.  I pray I will always do the right thing no matter how challenging it may seem.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.          

8

Happy Birthday Aiden!

Well, another year is upon us, and it feels like this one went faster than the last.  Aiden is now 8!  Reflecting on his life, and the experiences we have had since his diagnosis, I can only find gratitude for all the help we have had.  We had to fight hard for it, but it came, and Aiden is better for it.  

Aiden still receives therapy 6 days a week.  At this point, it is mainly focusing on coursework.  Aiden has a really hard time focusing and participating in activities he isn't really interested in.  I get it.  To come home after a 7 hour day of academics only to be forced to work on spelling words and math once again--sigh.  He is struggling though.  He needs the extra help.  He is very behind in reading, and that concerns us very much.  I don't want Aiden to fall behind, but that is the direction we are headed.  

I'm hoping we can decrease hours this summer and focus on reading and ADLs (activities of daily living) only.  Aiden doesn't seem to understand basic daily tasks are a necessity.  He enjoys brushing his teeth, but a bath to him is fun--not necessary.  I have to constantly remind him to clean himself and get dressed.  I'm trying to teach him some independence.  

Aiden continues to be a good natured kid.  He seems unfazed by the bully in his classroom, and actually has a lot more confidence than I did as a kid.  He loves Lego set characters and making books.  

We have discussed baptism and the principles of the Gospel that we hold dear to us often.  He doesn't seem ready to take that step, and that is ok.  I want it to be a decision he makes for himself--not one that I make for him.  

8!

Aiden's books!