2 years ago I started this blog so I could cope with the world of autism. I couldn't sleep, so I wrote. Today, May 18th, 2013 my heart is broken again. I can't sleep, so I write...
After all we have been through the past few months--planning for therapy, striving for balance with school and services, phone call after phone call to make things happen, changing providers, and tons of prayers and tears--I was told yesterday that Aiden no longer qualifies for Waiver funding. Shock. Just shock.
In all honesty, for a brief moment, I was relieved. I don't know anyone who wants strangers to invade their home 20-30 hours a week. I was worried about Austin and Aiden's play time, what that meant for our summer activities, and how little time we would have to just be us. On the other hand, Aiden is barely potty trained, speaks like a 3 year old (and that is generious), and can't initiate conversation or carry one. We are appealing the decision, because it just doesn't make sense. My question to God is, why THIS? Is therapy unneccessary for Aiden to overcome his challenges? Should I just walk away from it completely, or should I fight? I know I sincerely prayed that we would choose the right provider for Aiden, and I knew WEAP wasn't the right choice. Does that mean that he doesn't need this at all? My heart is torn and broken. I spent the evening discussing Aiden's options with Abe. We could, 1) get insurance through the military (however, we will be done in October and that will take away our primary source of income all summer), 2) get Aiden back in summer school (we opted out thinking he would be in therapy), and/or 3) pay for Aiden to do 5-10 hours a week (did I mention we are currently unemployed and make $600/month)? Even taking hours this summer at the hospital will not make this financial burden light. If anything, it just adds to the stress of how are we going to pay back our student loans AND pay our mortgage AND feed our family? Broken. Just broken. I'm having such a hard time seeing the light at the end of all this. If I go back to work, I win AND lose. Win--Aiden gets therapy and we can pay our bills. Lose--I will miss Ashton's milestones and 1:1 time with just him. These are moments I will never get back, and they go so fast! I'm not counting that as an option. The kids need me, and paying for childcare is just another expense that we can't afford.
What in the world is next??? Heavenly Father--please--we need a job with insurance so bad! Please open a door or window and help us through this!
UPDATE: On Thursday we received a miracle! We have all the money we need for therapy! My heart is filled with gratitude for all those that donated money for our son and/or said a prayer for us! That was the toughest week I've had in a very long time. It took all I had to pick myself up, defeat depression, and do what I needed to do for our family. We are blessed beyond measure! I've learned, 1) who my true friends are, 2) I feel strongest when I stay positive (even though it is hard), and when life drags you down, you find the most compassion for others.
Aiden's appointment with CHATT is now on June 3rd. FINALLY.
UPDATE: On Thursday we received a miracle! We have all the money we need for therapy! My heart is filled with gratitude for all those that donated money for our son and/or said a prayer for us! That was the toughest week I've had in a very long time. It took all I had to pick myself up, defeat depression, and do what I needed to do for our family. We are blessed beyond measure! I've learned, 1) who my true friends are, 2) I feel strongest when I stay positive (even though it is hard), and when life drags you down, you find the most compassion for others.
Aiden's appointment with CHATT is now on June 3rd. FINALLY.
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