Essays

Excerpts from, "Thinking Person's Guide to Autism" that meant a lot to me:

 

"How I know Vaccines Didn't Cause My Child's Autism"--www.community.advanceweb.com/blogs/ot_9/default.aspx

 

For the record, I know they didn't cause Aiden's ASD either.
http://www.voicesforvaccines.org/the-consequences-of-refusing-vaccines/

 

"Welcome to the Club" A letter to a mother whos child has just been diagnosed with an ASD (she is a parent of a child on the spectrum):

 

• "Don't worry; no one else sees it, I promise.  To the rest of the world, your're fine.  But when you've been there, you can't miss it."
 
• "You will doubt yourself.  You won't trust your instincts right away.  You will be afraid that you don't have the capacity to be what your baby will need you to be.  Worse, you'll think that you don't even know what [he] needs you to be.  You  do.  I promise.  You will."
 
• "You will question your faith.  Or find it.  Maybe both."
 
• "You are so much stronger than you think you are.  Trust me.  I  know you.  Hell, I am you."
 
• "You'll change.  One day you'll notice a shift.  You'll see the world through a lens of sensitivity.  The people around you will notice.  You'll change them too."
 
• "You will read more than you can process.  You'll buy books that you can't handle reading.  You'll feel guilty that they're sitting by the side of the bed unopened.  Take small bites.  The information isn't going anywhere.  Let your heart heal.  It will.  Breathe.  You can."
 
• "You will come to understand that there are gifts in all of this.  Tolerance, compassion, understanding.  Precious, life-altering gifts."
 
• "You will worry about your other children.  You will feel like you're not giving them enough time.  You will find the time.  Yes, you will.  No, really.  You will.  You'll start to believe they'll be okay.  And they will.  You will be a better parent for all of it."
 
• "You will find the tools that you need.  You will take bits and pieces of different therories and practices.  You'll talk to parents and doctors and therapists.  You'll take something from each of them.  You'll even find value in those you don't agree with at all.  Sometimes the most value.  A little of this, a little of that, a lot of love. "
 
• "You will help your sweet [boy] be far better than okay.  You will show [him] boundless love.  [He] will know that [he] is accepted and cherished and celebrated for every last morsel of who [he] is.  [He] will know that [his] Mama is there at every turn.  [He] will believe in [himself] as you believe in [him].  [He] will astound you.  Over and over and over again.  [He] will teach you far more than you teach [him].  [He] will fly."---www.adiaryofamom.wordpress.com

Avoiding autism cults:


http://www.blogher.com/identifying-and-avoiding-autism-cults

 

 

As we finally start therapy, I find our lives shifting in an unknown direction.  It is hard to have faith in the decisions we make for Aiden.  There are so many paths to take it seems.  The question is, which path is the best one for our son? 

 
 
 
 

 

 

 



Broken

2 years ago I started this blog so I could cope with the world of autism.  I couldn't sleep, so I wrote.  Today, May 18th, 2013 my heart is broken again.  I can't sleep, so I write...

 

 

After all we have been through the past few months--planning for therapy, striving for balance with school and services, phone call after phone call to make things happen, changing providers, and tons of prayers and tears--I was told yesterday that Aiden no longer qualifies for Waiver funding.  Shock.  Just shock. 

 

In all honesty, for a brief moment, I was relieved.  I don't know anyone who wants strangers to invade their home 20-30 hours a week.  I was worried about Austin and Aiden's play time, what that meant for our summer activities, and how little time we would have to just be us.  On the other hand, Aiden is barely potty trained, speaks like a 3 year old (and that is generious), and can't initiate conversation or carry one.  We are appealing the decision, because it just doesn't make sense.  My question to God is, why THIS?  Is therapy unneccessary for Aiden to overcome his challenges?  Should I just walk away from it completely, or should I fight?  I know I sincerely prayed that we would choose the right provider for Aiden, and I knew WEAP wasn't the right choice.  Does that mean that he doesn't need this at all?  My heart is torn and broken.  I spent the evening discussing Aiden's options with Abe.  We could, 1) get insurance through the military (however, we will be done in October and that will take away our primary source of income all summer), 2) get Aiden back in summer school (we opted out thinking he would be in therapy), and/or 3) pay for Aiden to do 5-10 hours a week (did I mention we are currently unemployed and make $600/month)?  Even taking hours this summer at the hospital will not make this financial burden light.  If anything, it just adds to the stress of how are we going to pay back our student loans AND pay our mortgage AND feed our family?  Broken.  Just broken.  I'm having such a hard time seeing the light at the end of all this.  If I go back to work, I win AND lose.  Win--Aiden gets therapy and we can pay our bills.  Lose--I will miss Ashton's milestones and 1:1 time with just him.  These are moments I will never get back, and they go so fast!  I'm not counting that as an option.  The kids need me, and paying for childcare is just another expense that we can't afford. 

 

 

What in the world is next???  Heavenly Father--please--we need a job with insurance so bad!  Please open a door or window and help us through this!


UPDATE:  On Thursday we received a miracle!  We have all the money we need for therapy!  My heart is filled with gratitude for all those that donated money for our son and/or said a prayer for us!  That was the toughest week I've had in a very long time.  It took all I had to pick myself up, defeat depression, and do what I needed to do for our family.  We are blessed beyond measure!  I've learned, 1) who my true friends are, 2) I feel strongest when I stay positive (even though it is hard), and when life drags you down, you find the most compassion for others. 

Aiden's appointment with CHATT is now on June 3rd.  FINALLY.