Lost in a sea of doubt...
So, apparently, we all have leaky guts, which means the foods we are eating are poisoning our brains and causing all our woes. Gluten and dairy are the devil, and we should all stop eating any form of them. I spent FIVE YEARS studying nutrition, and the first time I ever heard of the "leaky gut" theory was during a session with a holistic physician. At the time, I was single, a year out of school, and living alone. I was very depressed. In all honesty, I'd been depressed since the 6th grade. My parents divorce tore our family apart, and I didn't handle it well. Neither did my brother. I struggled with an eating disorder in college, which I largely attribute to my unstable childhood. Thankfully, my education in nutrition helped a lot. I think I would still be lost in the world of an eating disorder without it. Anyway, the doctor gave me a handout about "leaky gut syndrome," and said it was probably dairy that was causing my depression. I did the elimination diet like he instructed to see what food/foods were the culprit. Meanwhile, I was thinking...what? Did I somehow miss the memo while I was busy working so hard to get through school? But, I did the elimination diet anyway (you remove all potential food allergies and/or food additives at once, and slowly add them back in to test tolerance). Guess what happened? I FELT TERRIBLE. Just terrible. I remember calling the doctor and asking if this was supposed to happen. He said, "most people get a headache". I've never had a headache, and I still didn't have one. I felt like I was in a fog and needed someone to pull me out. But I didn't quit. I was thankful when I could add things back in. I felt so much better when I did! Today, I'm happy to report, I've been depression free for 5 years. I'm happier now than I've ever been, and that is because I have PURPOSE. I would argue that holistic medicine DID heal me. It was God who blessed me with my children. Had I not joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 8 years ago, I'm certain I would not have all 3 of my children; each of which give me more joy than I can possibly express.
So, here I am again questioning modern medicine. Although Aiden has progressed by leaps and bounds, I can still see the "look" in Aiden's eyes. It breaks my heart to pieces some days. So much so, that I understand why people turn to almost anything to try to take it away. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I'm doing what is best for Aiden. Not a day. What if I...is in the back of my mind every.single.day. We started chiropractic care for Aiden a couple months ago. His recent adjustment left him with a fever and a deep retreat into the world in which I can't pull him out of. My heart is broken. I hate that I can't do anything for him, yet, the things I try seem to hurt him more. Aiden is now constipated because I removed whole grain wheat bread from his diet thinking I was hurting him. I will note here that all of Aiden's labs came back negative. No celiac disease, no vitamin or mineral deficiency--nothing. So much for a "leaky gut"! Aiden is absorbing something from his cereal, milk, and fruit snacks!!! All that is left is time and prayer. I need time to heal from all this, and so does Aiden.
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