Enough?

Lately I've been thinking...am I doing enough?

It is 4 AM right now.  Ashton woke me up at 2, and I couldn't get back to sleep.  I'm grateful for this time to post my thoughts on parenting 3 young children. 

Our routine has changed a lot this summer, and it has been an adjustment for all of us.  I personally miss my 2 hours of "me time" when Aiden is in school, and Austin is sleeping (or playing alone in his room).  I realized how important it was for me to have that time now that I don't have it.  Every morning we would do an activity together--a playdate, a trip to the park, a walk, go to the library, or the play center at the mall.  Then it was lunch, school for Aiden, and rest time for Austin and I.  Later we would go to the park, watch a movie, and/or go for another walk.  I loved that.  It worked for all of us.  Now, our schedule is everywhere.  Aiden gets on a bus at 9:30 and is home by noon for lunch.  Austin, Ashton and I try to catch a playdate within those hours.  Aiden hasn't napped for over 2 years now, and Austin isn't taking them like he should (he falls asleep on his own pretty early sometimes).  That means I have to find something entertaining for us to do after lunch now.  Honestly, I'm exhausted by then (too many baby wake up calls), and all I want to do is sleep!  The kids watch more and more TV these days, and it bothers me A LOT.  Although we don't receive any channels, we do have a ton of movies, and the boys love to watch them.  What they watch is ok (with the exception of Shrek's iffy wording), but I know how important it is to get Aiden to interact.  I just don't have the energy for it in the early afternoon. 

Unfortunately, this schedule will not change much in the fall.  In fact, it will be harder next school year, because Aiden will be in school from 8:30-11:00, which means we have limited time to do anything in the morning, and the afternoons will still be free.  On a very positive note, it looks like Aiden will receive therapy a year EARLY.  I will know more on July 11th.  I'm praying that will give him what he needs when I just can't.  I keep thinking, I have to be doing alright, or the Lord wouldn't have prompted me to have Ashton.  I do believe that, but some days I feel guilty because I can't give Aiden as much attention as I used to, or I lose my patience because I'm so tired.  It breaks my heart a little, and I feel inadequate.  I'm trying, and I'm sure it will get easier as Ashton grows, and I get more sleep (he is only 6 weeks old).

Sadly, Austin seems to be picking up on Aiden's "unusual" behaviors.  At a recent playdate, Austin hit his head and fell to the ground (Aiden does this a lot).  I also noticed that he is starting to line things up just like his brother.  I get it, but it isn't easy to watch.  On a positive, Aiden is very strong from all his climbing, jumping and running.  Austin has picked up on that too, and they climb even the highest of places together (with the exception of the first tree Aiden ever climbed).  Austin seems too small to be climbing so well, but he does it, and I'm glad they are both active and strong! 

Aiden continues to be a loving, sweet brother.  He continues to ask if he can "hold the baby".  He gives Ashton his blanket and pacifier, and pats him on the head.  Aiden and I had a rare moment alone together last night, and as I tucked him in he said, "thank you momma".  Man I love that special little boy!  I sincerely hope he overcomes all this, but if not, I will love him for the man God intended him to be.