SO UPSET

I cried harder and longer than I have in a long time on Sunday.

A woman came into my life recently who claims her son no longer has autism.  She has her own website in which she promotes the body ecology diet, and warns of the "dangers" in our food supply.  I WILL NOT post a link to her site!  Some of the information was accurate--I've read it in my professional publications--but other information lacked science.  She claims that genetically modified food and our water supply is making us sick.   I've read on GMOs (genetically modified organisms) and their pros and cons.  I avoid them, but I DON'T think they are the cause of diabetes, cancer, etc.  I also don't think our water supply is contamined with drugs.  Seriously?  What CAN we eat and drink these days?  I'm beyond tired of all this bad food vs. good food information.  I could throw a toddler like tantrum I'm so sick of it.  In fact, I cried like a baby on Sunday as I read--yet again--the theories surrounding autism.  I thought I was past all this and moving on, but I find myself second guessing myself yet again. 

The THEORY (again): yeast infections in the mother are passed onto the baby.  The infection then crosses the babies blood-brain barrier, and weakens his/her immune system.  Therefore, when he/she is given the MMR shot they can't fight against the diseases they are designed to prevent.  Again, the Wakefield paper was sited (this paper was resinded by his peers). 

Why isn't Austin autistic then?  I had yeast infections with him as well, and he had the MMR shot.  Aiden DOES NOT have any of the GI issues sited on her website and never has.  He did have chronic ear infections and many antibiotic treatments though, which DOES affect gut bacteria and affect the immune system--that is a fact.  Yet, I know another child who had SEVERE ear infections and still did until he got tubes at age 3 (they were so bad his hearing was affected).  He had his shots, and he is NOT autistic.  What is going on?  Jenny McCarthy--ok not a good source of information--also believes this is why her son is autistic (she also claims he isn't anymore).  She states in her book that her belief is some children's immune systems can't handle the vaccinations, so they become autistic.  Coming from a lady who feeds her son corn chips because they are gluten free (corn is usually a genetically modified organism by the way).  She also believes in the yeast theory, and that diet changed her son's behavior.  Fact: sugar feeds yeast.  Fact: It is HARD to keep a 4 year old away from it when everyone else gives him juice, candy, cookies, etc. etc. every chance they can.  Avoid dairy?  Dairy is Aiden's only source of protein on a daily basis (he will occasionally eat nuts and seeds as well as beef jerky, but not always).  And gluten?  Aiden eats dog food (caught him under the kitchen table) and soap (when he thinks I'm looking away), and will take food from other people when they aren't looking (I've witnessed it)...good luck keeping him away from it!  I can't live my life like that.  I just can't.  I have 2 other children to look after, and the idea of changing Aiden's already limited diet makes me feel ill.  I have visions of going to jail for malnourishing my child.  The body ecology diet recommends all these foods that Aiden just will not eat (he still won't touch a fresh fruit or vegetable), but of course--I can PURCHASE products from their site to supplement his diet.  NICE.  Try to sell me another product or supplement that will "cure" my son of autism!  That is like saying a diet pill will make me skinny.  Right. 

So what is next?  I TRY hard to move on again.  I pray with all my heart that the answers come for AIDEN and that I do what is right for HIM.  Children have and do overcome autism without dietary interventions.  I pray that Aiden is one of them.  If not, I will love my child regardless, and not live my life trying to change him.  I still believe there are great lessons to be learned from special needs children.  I love Aiden's personality, and I don't want it to change.  

Enough?

Lately I've been thinking...am I doing enough?

It is 4 AM right now.  Ashton woke me up at 2, and I couldn't get back to sleep.  I'm grateful for this time to post my thoughts on parenting 3 young children. 

Our routine has changed a lot this summer, and it has been an adjustment for all of us.  I personally miss my 2 hours of "me time" when Aiden is in school, and Austin is sleeping (or playing alone in his room).  I realized how important it was for me to have that time now that I don't have it.  Every morning we would do an activity together--a playdate, a trip to the park, a walk, go to the library, or the play center at the mall.  Then it was lunch, school for Aiden, and rest time for Austin and I.  Later we would go to the park, watch a movie, and/or go for another walk.  I loved that.  It worked for all of us.  Now, our schedule is everywhere.  Aiden gets on a bus at 9:30 and is home by noon for lunch.  Austin, Ashton and I try to catch a playdate within those hours.  Aiden hasn't napped for over 2 years now, and Austin isn't taking them like he should (he falls asleep on his own pretty early sometimes).  That means I have to find something entertaining for us to do after lunch now.  Honestly, I'm exhausted by then (too many baby wake up calls), and all I want to do is sleep!  The kids watch more and more TV these days, and it bothers me A LOT.  Although we don't receive any channels, we do have a ton of movies, and the boys love to watch them.  What they watch is ok (with the exception of Shrek's iffy wording), but I know how important it is to get Aiden to interact.  I just don't have the energy for it in the early afternoon. 

Unfortunately, this schedule will not change much in the fall.  In fact, it will be harder next school year, because Aiden will be in school from 8:30-11:00, which means we have limited time to do anything in the morning, and the afternoons will still be free.  On a very positive note, it looks like Aiden will receive therapy a year EARLY.  I will know more on July 11th.  I'm praying that will give him what he needs when I just can't.  I keep thinking, I have to be doing alright, or the Lord wouldn't have prompted me to have Ashton.  I do believe that, but some days I feel guilty because I can't give Aiden as much attention as I used to, or I lose my patience because I'm so tired.  It breaks my heart a little, and I feel inadequate.  I'm trying, and I'm sure it will get easier as Ashton grows, and I get more sleep (he is only 6 weeks old).

Sadly, Austin seems to be picking up on Aiden's "unusual" behaviors.  At a recent playdate, Austin hit his head and fell to the ground (Aiden does this a lot).  I also noticed that he is starting to line things up just like his brother.  I get it, but it isn't easy to watch.  On a positive, Aiden is very strong from all his climbing, jumping and running.  Austin has picked up on that too, and they climb even the highest of places together (with the exception of the first tree Aiden ever climbed).  Austin seems too small to be climbing so well, but he does it, and I'm glad they are both active and strong! 

Aiden continues to be a loving, sweet brother.  He continues to ask if he can "hold the baby".  He gives Ashton his blanket and pacifier, and pats him on the head.  Aiden and I had a rare moment alone together last night, and as I tucked him in he said, "thank you momma".  Man I love that special little boy!  I sincerely hope he overcomes all this, but if not, I will love him for the man God intended him to be.   



EC

Aiden has 1 more year of Early Childhood before he starts Kindergarden!  Tomorrow marks the end of another "semester".

I continue to be tremendously grateful for the Early Childhood Program!  I don't think Aiden would have made the progress he has without it.  Thank goodness for good teachers who are patient and loving to our special needs children!  I want to highlight here some of the changes I've seen in Aiden since he started the program.  I hope he maintains them over the summer!

Potty Training--Aiden used to be afraid to even sit on the potty.  Now, he sits on the potty and flushes it when he gets off.  He still hasn't actually gone on the potty, but we aren't sure if he even understands what we want him to do.  It is a good start, and I'm grateful to see progress.  I have been trying to be consistent with getting him on the potty for every diaper change, regardless if he does anything or not.  I really hope it will "click" for him before the end of the year.  Meanwhile, we still receive diaper assistance for Aiden because he is on disability.  (Thank goodness, because we now have 3 in diapers.)

Interaction with peers--I continue to be grateful for Austin and his relationship with Aiden.  He helps Aiden so much!  Austin teaches Aiden how to play :)  We did a playdate at our house today, and I'm happy to report Aiden played with the other children!  In the past, Aiden would hide in my bedroom during playdates, or stay inside when we went out in the backyard.  He played the whole time today, and it has been that way the past few months as well.  Recently, he GREETS his classmates by the correct NAME when he arrives at school.  He says, "hi" and "bye" at appropriate times at home as well.  That is an incredible accomplishment!  His teacher has been working on greetings for a long time!  He finally "caught on" during spring semester. 

Communication--It brings me great joy to say that Aiden is talking!  His words are growing by the minute!  He asks for more food, movies, etc. appropriately now (although the sentence might not be complete).  He has more eye contact, and he answers some questions such as, what color is that Aiden?  He still doesn't understand complex questions like, "how was your day Aiden?" or "what did you do today?"  I don't care.  Aiden is TALKING, and I know more words will come with time. 

The best part?  When I say, "I love you Aiden."  Aiden replies--not repeats, "I love you TOO." 

Next year will bring more change for all of us.  Aiden will do morning EC instead of afternoon.  I'm sad about that.  Every morning the boys and I go to a playdate, the mall play center, the library, or for a walk to a nearby park.  I will miss that, and I think Aiden needs that.  Afternoons are "rest time" for Austin and Ashton, which I need and look forward to while Aiden is in school.  Mommies need to "recharge" too!  I'm hoping we find a healthy new schedule for all of us.  We will see what happens next week when Aiden starts early morning summer school!

                                              Playdate (Aiden is on the far right bottom)!