June 26, 2011
Abe and I will be married 5 years in September. Each year, we take a picture of our family around Christmas time. Last years photo is hung above our kitchen table--Aiden nearly 3, and Austin age 1. I look at that photo, and all I see is a child missing...
When Austin was about 9 months old I thought "I can do this again," and I felt a twinge of excitement to have another child. Yet, I waited for many, many reasons. Then, shortly after his first birthday--near Aiden's diagnosis--I knew that our Heavenly Father has another child for our family. This time, it wasn't excitement that I felt. It was dispare. Raising 2 young children--22 months apart--is very challenging. To put a pregnancy on top of financial stress, pre-existing exhaustion, an increasing awareness of Aiden's struggles, and my own struggle to cope...it would take a lot of faith. How do other parents do it? My mother is the baby of 12 children (one of which is autistic), and I am amazed by her mother's faith and strength. Maybe it is through significant adversity that we find our greatest strength; yet, we have already been through so much. Much more than I will share in this blog. Let's just say, I'm desperate for a year of prosperity and peace--not adversity. Harse to think of another child in that regard, yes, but I'm so scared. Austin talks more than Aiden does, and I still have some problems with Aiden running away. It is almost like I have 2-18 month olds, and that is hard--very hard. Who knows what Aiden's future holds? Potty training...not even close. Speaking in sentences...that would be a miracle. What happens if Aiden doesn't adjust to the change? What if I can't find balance between the 3? And so on, and so on...
And so, I wait again, but each day the thought is there, and the picture haunts me...
You will do what you need to do. This is what a parent does! I never thought I would be able to do the things I have done. I only had two children, but they were only 17 months apart. Yes, it was often stressful. Still is at times as my husband travels and always has. Somehow, I have managed to do all of this and I have created support groups, large and small. Some very large. I am now on a board of directors for a thriving organization for disabled people. God had a plan for me. He has one for you. Trust.
ReplyDeleteOne more comment...can't stop me now that I'm on a roll! I thought my daughter would suffer for all the attention I had to give to my son. She is now married and a very successful businesswoman. In high school, she LOVED cheerleading. However, in her Junior year, she quit in order to work with Special Olympics. Her brother was not in it then, but she wanted to do it. She has a good heart and says she didn't miss out on any of my attention. Don't worry. Your kids may be better off for not being so spoiled!
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