2nd Grade

Aiden is falling behind in a very big way when it comes to school, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.  Abe and I considered home schooling, but almost immediately it felt wrong for our son.  Aiden is reading at a 1st grade level as we near the end of 2nd grade, and math is falling fast too.  I met with Aiden's teacher last Friday to discuss strategies to help Aiden.  Sadly, the teacher gave me a large stack of books that Aiden made during class.  I politely asked, "when does he have time to make these?"  The reply was that Aiden now asks if he can do them after he gets his work done.  No wonder he is falling behind!  Check this out:

I have no intention of squashing Aiden's talent and creativity, but when in his school day does he have time for this?!  

It is clear that Aiden's motivation to read on his own and do his math facts is low.  I've witnessed that myself every night during homework/therapy time.  I understand that, but without some effort on his part, he isn't going to make it through school.  He is now taken out of class to do extra reading, and pretty soon he will be in special education math.  He has tests read to him--except the reading assessments--that is how they test his reading level.  Unfortunately, that means that Aiden does poorly on his reading tests, because he isn't at grade level.  When we do 1st grade level reading and tests at home, he does great.  The school district's plan is not to hold Aiden back, but to give him extra help with the subjects he struggles in.  

So where do I go from here?  I'm doing all I can after school to stear Aiden's extra help into academic subjects--especially reading.  This summer--along with a lot of childhood fun--I'm fighting to get him caught up!   

Balance

2016

A new year, and already so many transitions and changes for the entire family.  2016 has just begun and we've already said, "goodbye" to a former friend who was once a big part of our lives, and to our pet Loki.  While formally, our challenges were deeply rooted in financial struggles, and emotions surrounding Aiden's journey, I'm happy to say we have moved forward in a healthy direction in both regards.  Sadly, finding balance in our lives as a family of 6, meant letting go of being pet owners, and removing our family from an unhealthy relationship.  

So, January left me in tears sobbing and shaking on the living room floor when a former friend made me feel like the worst person ever.  She invited herself over to tell me how much I'd hurt her and her family.  I said a silent prayer as I hung up the phone with her, knowing full well that the conversation wasn't going to go well when she arrived.  "Please let this work out ok Heavenly Father.  Please."  It didn't go well at all.  

Last year--mid year, I took a step back from this relationship.  I recognized that I lived and breathed this person and her family, and it was taking away from who I was and what I needed to find balance.  I had my 4th child, and I struggled.  I struggled hard.  I was tired and overwhelmed (remember I had 3 other young children and a therapist in my home every day).  Struggling to find some sanity and balance, I kept moving forward doing what I was used to doing before, which eventually left me in burnt out mode.  I could no longer sustain what I was used to doing.  Something had to give, and it was my relationship to this person and ultimately that meant her family too.  I slowly stopped making an effort to spend time with this person.  I made fewer phone calls, and took more opportunities to stay home and cuddle my boys.  It was what I needed.  I had no intention of hurting her or her family--zero.  I simply needed a break from it all.  Instead of go, go, go, do, do, do, I needed more slow down Marian, and I knew it.  

So, I get it.  This person was hurt.  When formally we did almost everything together, it now became my life and her life were completely separate.  I was healthy and happy.  My life was balanced.  I had a ton of opportunities to do acts of service that I took when I had the time.  I found a new sense of purpose in my chosen career and pursued my passion and gained more knowledge in my field (I took the CPT exam).  I started to teach fitness and nutrition classes again.  I found myself, and my balance.  New opportunities came, and as I was able to see them, appreciate them, and take them, I found a new sense of self.  

THIS IS WHO I AM.  I am a good mother.  I am a great housekeeper.  I make cooking, homework, faith, reading, and sleep a priority in my home.  I engage with my kids for 2 hours after school playing games, completing homework, and setting a healthy example by preparing a meal most nights.  I live my faith.  I go to church.  I read my scriptures daily with my family.  I attend the temple.  I pay my tithing even when that means less money for food.  I pray ALWAYS.  I go to church and teach my children the gospel in our home.  We do family home evening/game night every Sunday.  We are not perfect in any way shape or form--I definitely have my struggles--but I'm a good Christian woman who is doing the best she can.  

So what happened that day came out of left field.  I had "burned her" and "hurt" her kids.  No.  I simply stopped making an effort in the relationship because it was no longer healthy for me to maintain it.  I had every right to do that.  I tried to do it slowly and kindly to ease the transition, but it didn't work for her.  "You are crazy".  "Stay away from my family!"  were her words.  Feeling defeated and confused I sent her away from my home where she will never return.  I don't feel a sense of closure over what happened--although I sent a nice message with the power of the spirit after I stopped shaking--we never did talk again in person.  I can only hope that if that happens, this time it will be with the spirit of God, not that of contention and anger.  I know I will find peace, clarity, and forgiveness with time, and so will she.

Shortly after, it became clear that is was time to give up our pet.  Heartache.  After Lydia's passing, and Aiden's difficulty through it, I hurt just thinking about what I was doing to my children.  I prayed so hard.  Please Heavenly Father this hurts.  I don't want to be the cause of suffering.  I don't know if I can watch Aiden struggle again.  This time, my prayer was answered.  A young man that we know who is struggling with depression was looking for a pet.  The transition couldn't have gone more perfect.  The kids did shockingly amazing!  I was so proud of Aiden for staying strong and understanding why mom had to give up our pet.  Meanwhile, I had to excuse myself to sob in the bathroom.  Loki was my girl.  The only other girl in this house but me.  I loved her enough to let her go.  I knew it was the right thing to do, even when my heart said, "no"!  I got down on my knees and prayed for the young boy and our beloved dog.  Let this be his happiness.  Please Heavenly Father.  I endured 10 years of depression.  Help him find his way through it like I did.  I know Loki is in a terrific home.  I know she will get what she deserves there.  I just couldn't be enough for her, and I knew it.  I loved her enough to say "goodbye".  

So, we move forward in 2016 with sadness and happiness.  I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us by name.  I know he sustains us through the good and the bad.  I have a testimony of happiness that comes through doing the right thing.  I pray I will always do the right thing no matter how challenging it may seem.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.          

8

Happy Birthday Aiden!

Well, another year is upon us, and it feels like this one went faster than the last.  Aiden is now 8!  Reflecting on his life, and the experiences we have had since his diagnosis, I can only find gratitude for all the help we have had.  We had to fight hard for it, but it came, and Aiden is better for it.  

Aiden still receives therapy 6 days a week.  At this point, it is mainly focusing on coursework.  Aiden has a really hard time focusing and participating in activities he isn't really interested in.  I get it.  To come home after a 7 hour day of academics only to be forced to work on spelling words and math once again--sigh.  He is struggling though.  He needs the extra help.  He is very behind in reading, and that concerns us very much.  I don't want Aiden to fall behind, but that is the direction we are headed.  

I'm hoping we can decrease hours this summer and focus on reading and ADLs (activities of daily living) only.  Aiden doesn't seem to understand basic daily tasks are a necessity.  He enjoys brushing his teeth, but a bath to him is fun--not necessary.  I have to constantly remind him to clean himself and get dressed.  I'm trying to teach him some independence.  

Aiden continues to be a good natured kid.  He seems unfazed by the bully in his classroom, and actually has a lot more confidence than I did as a kid.  He loves Lego set characters and making books.  

We have discussed baptism and the principles of the Gospel that we hold dear to us often.  He doesn't seem ready to take that step, and that is ok.  I want it to be a decision he makes for himself--not one that I make for him.  

8!

Aiden's books!

Medicaid

The Waiting List is no longer...

We waited 2 1/2 years for the therapy we knew Aiden needed--the same therapy I read over and over again that changed the lives of so many young children diagnosed with autism.  The science says the "sooner the better," but we had to wait.  Without insurance to pay for the therapy, we had to wait for the Waiver Program.  They said the wait was a year long--it was more than double that time.  Imagine our joy when we were finally done waiting--only to have our dreams crushed when Aiden was denied therapy after his assessment.  What a roller coaster of emotions!

Things are changing in January 2016.  Medicaid will now pay for all autism services.  No more waiting list.  The family chooses the provider, and the provider gets the authorization from Medicaid for reimbursement. 

There is a positive and negative to almost everything, so here it is:

Positives--

1. Even though this was Aiden's last year on the Waiver Program, he may be able to continue with therapy after June 2016 given the new funding.  Let's see how Medicaid feels about Aiden's progress!      

2. No more forced hours of therapy.  At this point, we HAVE to get 40 hours a month, otherwise we are kicked out of the program.  

Negatives--

1. Providers will no longer be reimbursed for travel, which means they will no longer serve certain areas that are too far from "home base".  Some families may be forced to move.

2.  At Aiden's level of functioning, he will require a person with a Bachelor's degree in a communication field to work with him.  Hiring employees in that field for after school hours is going to be very difficult for the providers.  Will they be able to hire enough qualified people?  At this point, Aiden's "behavior coaches" are not required to have a degree.  

I know everything will work out for the best in 2016!

My son

Aiden worries....

Now--for the first time--Abe is starting to express his worry for our son's future.  I think a big part of the worry is because of his profession.  He is worried that Aiden will go into "special classes" and will slip through the cracks if we don't speak up.  In 1st grade Aiden was starting to READ and WRITE, and was meeting every milestone from an education standpoint.  Now, I'm worried.  Things are getting harder.  His spelling tests are challenging for him.  He forgets to bring the spelling lists home, then when he does, we work, work, work with him, but he still gets only a few correct even though he missed 3 or 4 when we test him at home.  I don't know what to do.  Aiden gets help from me AND a therapist for 2-3 hours a day except Sundays.  There isn't anything else to do from our standpoint.  I've discussed things with his teacher, and so far, the lists still come home late.  This will be the first parent teacher conference I want Abe to come to.  I need his support and expertise in the field.  What is going to help Aiden now???

I WAS WRONG.  AIDEN NEEDS THERAPY!

Aiden's nutrition is worse than ever.  He looks sick to me.  He appears pale, and his eyes still reflect that something isn't right.  I wish I could find an affordable supplement for him, but I've been looking, and I can't find one!  If I had more time and resources, I'd develop one myself!  He doesn't like gummy vitamins, and the liquid Omega 3's are too expensive or taste awful.  I wonder if that would help him focus and concentrate.  The science says it will help.  I know it won't fix everything, but I do believe it will help.  Something.  Give me something that will help him!  We all had a bout of something awful--gastroenteritis at it's finest--and Aiden got it the worst.  I was up all night cleaning up poop and puke.  The poor kid.  How can I expect his immune system to fight back when he eats so few foods?  Still no fruits or vegetables, no meats, barely any jerky or nuts, only certain kinds of bread (not the healthy ones)...thank goodness for popcorn, yogurt and Ovaltine with milk!  This Dietitian needs to work some magic.  I wish I had some right about now!

2nd Grade

It feels like we skipped 1st Grade!

It is surreal that I have a walking baby, a 3 year old, a child in Kindergarten, and a SECOND grader!  My boys have grown so much, and the older I get, the faster time seems to go.  

I spoke with Aiden's teacher yesterday to see how Aiden was doing.  Aiden gets preoccupied with his pencil sharpener, so it was taken away.  That explains why he asked me about it, and I didn't quite understand why he was asking.  He did have a "thing" for our electric pencil sharpener as well, so I wasn't surprised by this.  He has a difficult time staying on task at school, so they use PECS (the picture exchange system) to indicate what Aiden needs to do to follow along with the class.  No wonder she put him up front.  Aiden's teacher thought it was so neat that after every spelling word on his test, he drew a picture that corresponded.  I have to admit, as a second year teacher, I'm impressed that she knew so much about autism, and how to help Aiden.  That makes me feel good as a mother.  I made the right decision sending him to school and keeping my ties to Adams School.  Although, I'm ready to move on from this house, I'm grateful Aiden has some consistency here.  Living across from the school has been a great blessing for all of us.  Nine years ago in June I pulled up to this house without even looking at the inside, and I knew it was going to be mine.  I see the Lord's Plan now :).

I have introduced my oldest boys to the world of Harry Potter.  Aiden of course, loves it because of the magic and the unique characters.  I wonder some times if he has a hard time with what is real, and what is not.  He asked me about God's relationship to monsters.  I had to explain that monsters aren't real.  They are simply part of creative stories.  Man, I love that boy!  I think he could be an illustrator and/or writer someday with his imagination and attention to detail.  He continues to create the characters he sees/connects with in movies.  I wonder when Harry will be next...

Therapy is hard on Aiden.  He has a hard time staying on task, and completing his homework.  He needs rewards or consequences to do the things he should do: make his bed, clean up, put shoes and clothes away, do homework.  This isn't unusual for a child--I know--but Austin is the complete opposite, so that gets challenging.  

Life is good for our family.  I feel like I get more rest, and I have more balance in my life.  Our family is complete, and that feels good.  Financially, we are slowly getting back on our feet, and that feels great too.  I'm hoping we can put Aiden and Austin in karate next year.  This year, Aiden is doing swimming lessons, and Austin is doing tumbling.  Evenings are long, but I'm grateful I have my boys to hug and kiss at night.  These precious moments are fleeting, and before I know it, my boys won't need me like they do now.  I love my crazy life :).         

Summer 2015

It was a summer of school, swim, fun, and of course, therapy!

Our Pool--Aiden did better in 1 private session of swimming lessons than he did in 2 years of summer swimming through the School District!  In 1/2 an hour, he could back float and hold his breath under water without plugging his nose.  I wish money grew on trees...we were blessed to have funding for this, but it was just cut :(.  

The Splash Pad was a success again this summer!  Here, Aiden's tooth was so ready to come out!

Movies in the Park--Frozen

The Zip Line--the boys love this!  Aiden is the only one who doesn't need help.

Turtle Island with Dad

Paddle Boating with Aiden's favorite therapist :).

The Zoo--really great NEW bear exhibit!

Camden Park Show--balloon animal from Bucky the Clown

4th of July Freedom Fest

Rock County Fair

Six Flags Great America--the in-laws spoil my boys!  

Aiden came home and drew all the characters he saw :).  This is his new hat, but he quickly switched it out for the Chuck E Cheese one he won't take off!

Aiden LOVES Avery.  Just loves him!  He is always holding him, walking with him, and talking to him.  In the morning, he will entertain Avery in his crib until I get out of bed.  It is precious.

My first 5K of the season.  My boys cheered me on!

Avery's 1st birthday party.  I love this picture of my children!

We were blessed again this summer.  We had a ton of fun, but now I'm ready for school to start and a healthy, new routine for our family.  One more year of therapy (?) + 2nd grade for Aiden, Austin starts Kindergarten, Ashton needs to be potty trained, and hopefully Avery will sleep through the night!