Challenges and Summer Fun

Nutrition, social interaction, and preoccupation with figurines/stuffed animals...

 

While Aiden has overcome so much this past year--from broken/ineffective speech to reading grade level books--there are still challenges that we face daily.  While I'm very grateful for therapy and all it has done for Aiden, I'm still a little sad that the above concerns may forever be a part of Aiden's life in some way shape or form. 

 

Nutrition--As I've written before, this is very hard on me given my profession.  Aiden's nutrition is getting worse.  Our attempts at introducing new foods and getting Aiden to try fruits and veggies have gotten us no where.  He is very aware that soda and candy are "sugar" and will give you a "tummy ache" if consumed in excess, but he can't apply the knowledge.  If left to his own devices, Aiden would eat processed carbohydrate/treats/chips all day long.  This was true years ago, and remains a problem today.  Granted many, many kids would do the same; however, Aiden remains very sensitive to food textures and gags/vomits when he gets something "yucky" in his mouth.  His protein and fat intake remain poor given his resistance to eating nuts/seeds, meats, and even his old "standbys"--pepperoni and beef jerky :(  Lunches are going to be even harder to pack for him once school starts.  Abe says he read a story of a mother who literally refused to give her autistic child anything but healthy items, and the child eventually started eating.  However, I'm unwilling to use this "starvation method".  I find it unethical and gut wrenching as a parent.  I refuse to even try it.  I'm doing the best I can, and that is all anyone can ask of me.  Thank goodness for my education, or I'd be at a complete loss with this one!

 

Social Interaction--Although Aiden now says, "hi" appropriately, and can carry a conversation, it is often uncomfortable to watch Aiden interact with his peers.  His speech is "unique" and he doesn't always "get it".  I know, I know.  Some people with autism are non-verbal.  We are blessed that Aiden's speech finally came.  As Aiden gets older and kids are less "forgiving," I'm very worried about bullying.  My self-esteem was poor as a child/teen.  I don't want that for Aiden or any of my children, but you can't put them in a bubble (although sometimes I wish I could)!  We will see as time passes what school days bring.  I'm fully preparing myself to homeschool Aiden once the social interaction/peer relationships become more defined with each passing year.  I'm hoping he finds a good friend and/or his brother's stand up for him!

 

Preoccupation with toys--Aiden always has a set of toys that are his and only his.  If he loses one, it is the end of his world (although this is getting better now with therapy and the "big problem, little problem" program).  His toys of "choice" have changed many, many times over the years.  Usually, it is a group of toys from a TV show or movie that he enjoys clinging to.  Right now it is 3 Lego figurines because we watched the Lego Movie recently.  A month ago it was the Pocoyo set of stuffed animals, because he was watching the DVD set a lot.  Aiden could watch movies all day.  He used to repeat lines from movies all the time, but gratefully this has changed now that he has an extended vocabulary.  When is the "normal" age for kids to outgrow stuffed animals?  Austin and Ashton could care less about them.  Aiden ALWAYS has one waiting for him in the van or hidden in my purse :)

 

On the positive side, we had the BEST SUMMER EVER!  We were so busy up until this point with play dates, trips to the pool/Splash Pad, the Reyes Family Reunion/camping at Jellystone, the Rock County Fair, Troll Beach, etc. etc.  I don't know how we managed it with me working part-time in my 3rd trimester, Aiden's therapy, summer school and swim lessons, but it worked out, and we had fun!      

 

Jellystone Campground/Reyes Family Reunion--Aiden was so, so, SO excited about Boo, Boo!

The Splash Pad!  We were here a lot!

 

Troll Beach--a man made lake with lots of slides!

 

The "corn pit" at the Rock County Fair Grounds :)

 

     

 

 

 

 

June

 

As June comes to a close, and we prepare to have another baby, I find myself reflecting on my life, and how much I love being a mother.  I'm grateful that our family will be complete in August, so I can focus on being the best Mom I can be.  Of course, I have personal goals written down, but my greatest joy comes from my children.  Nothing has ever given me a greater sense of purpose in life.  All I've done in the past 6 1/2 years, all the sacrifices Abe and I have made, all the stress, worry, and challenges have been worth it.  Looking back, the downs were complimented by just as many ups!

 

I remember when everyone told me Aiden's speech delay was "normal" for a boy, and "I know so and so who's boy didn't talk until..."  If I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I think I'd be rich.  Thankfully, Ashton's speech delay was just a speech delay--nothing more.  We even canceled speech therapy this summer due to his growing vocabulary that came shortly after he turned 2 in May.  This time, I knew very well what to look for besides the speech delay, and thankfully, Ashton is a social butterfly who loves to interact, point, ask, and respond to his environment. 

 

Aiden is doing terrific!  It is a complete miracle that he went from barely potty training last summer with limited words and sentences, to reading grade level books!  Aiden's social skills have come so far, but he still seems to prefer to be on his own in large social situations.  Austin and Ashton were busy playing outside with their dad and the other kids, while Aiden lay beside me watching a movie during a recent family event.  The question is, is this his personality?  Or is it autism?  Maybe the answer doesn't really matter anymore.

 

 

Mother's Day 2014

Ashton-2, Aiden 6, Austin 4

Notice Aiden still loves his stuffed animals :)

       

Blessings

 

After enduring so much the past few years, and especially the uncertainty of last year, we are being blessed from every angle this year!

 

 

*Aiden qualifies for another year of therapy!  What a tremendous sigh of relief!  Although he has made tremendous gains since starting last June, he still needs the extra support, and I wanted at least 1 more year to get him through 1st grade :)  We are used to having therapists in our home every evening and Saturday mornings.  It has become part of our lives, and we are grateful for each one of them!

 

*Abe got his first FULL-TIME job as a teacher--just in time for me to have baby #4 and cut my hours at the hospital!

 

*Although it will still be very tight, we can finally afford to get a decent vehicle for our family (car shopping today)!  We have been through 8 vehicles in 8 years of marriage!  Yikes!

 

*We received a GRANT to replace all the windows in our home!

 

*We have a ginormous $30 pool in our back yard that we plan to use a ton this summer!  It is going to be a great one!

 

 

 

 



Growing up!

 

For the first time, Aiden has a friend asking him to come over and play. I'm both terrified and excited for him! Just met the boy's parents...wouldn't that be great if he had a special friend? Everyone needs one!

 

So, we have new neighbors, and they have a 7 1/2 year old (1st grade).  He is very outgoing, and we met him at the park across the street.  The boys enjoyed playing with him.  I asked Aiden what his name was, he asked the boy, and came back to me saying, "his name is Jace."  Shock.  What a moment for Aiden!  A "normal" conversation with a boy his age!  After that afternoon, I decided to introduce myself to his parents.  I boldly knocked on the door and introduced myself.  First and foremost, I wanted to know who my son was going to be interacting with, and second, I wanted them to know that Aiden is not a "neurotypical" 6 year old boy.  Aiden still has accidents, obsesses over stuffed animals, and has a difficult time forming appropriate sentences.  He certainly isn't going to the park or crossing the street by himself, or riding a bike without training wheels (like Jace).

 

After that day, I realized that my children are growing up.  Aiden is my first child.  I have no idea what is "normal" for children his age.  When are they safe to do things on their own?  7 1/2 seems too young, even for a neurotypical child like Jace.  When are they supposed to ride a bike without training wheels?  Tie shoes?  Pump their feet on a swing?  Oh man, this is both exciting and scary for me.  I'm not ready to let Aiden be unsupervised while he plays with a friend.  

 

Jace has come over to play twice.  I'm very grateful they stayed here so I could keep an eye on them.  Jace is a very aggressive boy.  He takes Aiden's favorite stuffed animal and runs away to get Aiden to play chase.  Aiden loves chase.  He doesn't love it when someone takes his comfort toy.  In fact, the therapists have been working on "big vs. little problems".  What if you lose your toy or someone takes it away Aiden?  Is that a big problem or a little problem?  For a long time, it was a BIG problem (check out the blog on gloves and you'll know what I mean).  Aiden is getting better at this, but still struggles at times.  Jace means no harm--he just wants to be chased, but in Aiden's eyes, his "friend" just took his gold medal away!  

 

This is a new experience for me as a parent.  Do I let go or hold on tight?  I don't want to hold Aiden back because he has autism, but I do want to keep him safe.  Will I let Aiden go to this boy's home?  Probably not.  Not yet anyway.  Aiden can't cross the street safely, and Jace comes and goes as he pleases.  I'm scared, but I also know that my baby is growing up.  I need to let go sooner or later...

 

Time to get a "big boy" bike out!  This is the first time he rode it--Spring 2014.  He probably could have done this last Spring, but that was the last thing I was thinking about!  He wasn't even talking last Spring!  Dad had to help him at first, but he gained confidence quickly, and did it himself for the rest of the walk!  The training wheels will have to stay on for awhile.  Now we have to get training wheels for Austin's mini bike, so he can practice too!  I can't believe Austin is 4 1/2!

   

April

April is Autism Awareness Month!  Light it Up BLUE for Aiden!

 

 

Four things I've learned as we raise a child with special needs: 1) don't underestimate your child. He can do more and understands more than you think! 2) do your research and have faith in yourself as a parent to do what is best for YOUR child, 3) take time for yourself to rest and recharge, surround yourself with positive, encouraging people, and let go of the rest, and 4) have faith in the Lord's plan for your family. There is so much to learn from people with special needs! I'm honored that HE choose us to be parents of such a special little boy! So proud of Aiden!

SAHM

 

SAHM--stay at home mom.  Something I wish I could be, but never will completely be...

 

Six years ago, I took a leap of faith and quit my full-time job so I could be home with Aiden.  I stayed on at the hospital "per-diem," and took a work-from-home job.  That job was a major stress on our family when I had baby #2.  I didn't feel like a SAHM ignoring my children for 5 hours of the day just so I could get my work done.  It didn't work out.  Looking back at it now, I can't believe I lasted 2 years.  Lucky for me I had the hospital to lean on; unfortunately, that isn't where my heart is, nor is it where I belong in the field of nutrition.  This has been a chronic source of stress and heartache.  By worldly standards, I should be working at least 20+ hours a week to make ends meet for our family.  I'm still holding on to hope that things will get better, but our finances are more challenging than ever--even after we sacrificed 5 years for Abe's Master's Degree.  You just can't support a family of 6 on a teacher's salary--especially not a part-time one!  We live as meager as we can.  The only thing "extra" we have is the internet.  No fancy, expensive cell phone plans, no car payments, no vacations, no new clothes or shoes, no Christmas presents (I did buy 1 big thing last year for the first time ever).  Nothing extra except a few fast food meals away from home.  Our desperate attempt to get the mortgage at a more reasonable rate failed ($7,000 short in property value).  There simply is nothing left to reduce/get rid of.       

 

Yesterday evening I invited Abe to go for our first Spring walk as a family.  While our marriage has been doing well this past few months, we got in a terrible argument right away.  I have to work tomorrow, so he needs to take Aiden to school.  While discussing this, Abe started to complain about how Aiden gets "off track" when I don't do the morning routine, and how hard it is on him.  Needless to say, this hit the deep hurt in my heart so hard that I blew up.  Just lost it.  I am well aware that my hours at the hospital--although few and far between--make a big impact on Aiden's life.  I hate it more than words can say.  I don't enjoy my job in the least bit.  I hate it.  Did Abe have any clue how hard it is for me to take hours at the hospital?  How obligated I am to take them so we can make ends meet?  Does he even have a clue what I go through every morning I leave my kids in someone else's hands?  I do realize that some woman HAVE to be the sole providers for their families, and I would too if I had to parent alone.  However, it is a righteous desire to be home with my kids, and I don't understand why Abe won't fight harder to make up for his part-time income.  We are on the same page most of the time.  He wants me to be home.  I want to be home.  He just isn't willing to make that happen, and it breaks my heart.  I just don't understand it.  What a slap in the face.  I KNOW this hurts Aiden.  I take PRIDE in what I do in my home.  I am a terrific housekeeper.  I cook 5 meals a week.  The house is picked up at the end of the day.  The boys always have clean clothes to wear and a balanced, healthy lunch and dinner.  I take them to playgroups, to the park, and to special places like Skelly's.  We go for walks as a family most days.  I do preschool books with Austin (he has completed 4), and taught him how to write his name.  I do homework and a daily calendar with Aiden every evening before he starts therapy.  I try to limit their television  (we don't have cable).  We read books every night, and we say a prayer together without fail.  I'm good at this.  I love it.  I love my kids.  I want to be home with them.  There is nothing left to sacrifice financially to make that happen. 

 

Sometimes it is hard to have faith through trials.  I realize that the good Lord is keeping me humble this way, and the trial could be much worse, but it hurts some days.  It hurts when I can't do what I love day in and day out.  Life is too short to be this unhappy about our circumstances.  If I fix it by going back to work part-time, I ultimately take a piece of who I am as a person away.  I hurt my kids.  I hurt my marriage.  Praise to all the mother's who work full-time/part-time but who would much rather keep their energy at home.  I don't know how you find the balance, but this just isn't for me.   

 

 

"Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives--even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted."  --Elder Bednar

Teeth

It is so much fun to watch my little boys grow up!  Aiden lost 2 teeth, and best of all...he can TELL you how it happened!  

During therapy, Aiden's tooth was so loose he was distracted by it.  We read him the "Barenstein Bear's go to the Dentist," which prompted him to try biting into an apple (just like sister bear) to loosen and hopefully pull out the tooth.  Aiden still doesn't eat fruits or veggies, but he will bite them and spit them out when prompted.  This was the most he has ever "tried" a piece of produce!  He bit into the apple so many times that it loosened it enough to pop out after chewing on a fruit snack :)  The next one came out days later with a gentle tug on my part.  He was so excited and fascinated with the experience.  As a mother, I just enjoyed the moment knowing my little boy was growing up and finally finding his voice!  I couldn't believe it when he told the story to another therapist!