2nd Grade

Aiden is falling behind in a very big way when it comes to school, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.  Abe and I considered home schooling, but almost immediately it felt wrong for our son.  Aiden is reading at a 1st grade level as we near the end of 2nd grade, and math is falling fast too.  I met with Aiden's teacher last Friday to discuss strategies to help Aiden.  Sadly, the teacher gave me a large stack of books that Aiden made during class.  I politely asked, "when does he have time to make these?"  The reply was that Aiden now asks if he can do them after he gets his work done.  No wonder he is falling behind!  Check this out:

I have no intention of squashing Aiden's talent and creativity, but when in his school day does he have time for this?!  

It is clear that Aiden's motivation to read on his own and do his math facts is low.  I've witnessed that myself every night during homework/therapy time.  I understand that, but without some effort on his part, he isn't going to make it through school.  He is now taken out of class to do extra reading, and pretty soon he will be in special education math.  He has tests read to him--except the reading assessments--that is how they test his reading level.  Unfortunately, that means that Aiden does poorly on his reading tests, because he isn't at grade level.  When we do 1st grade level reading and tests at home, he does great.  The school district's plan is not to hold Aiden back, but to give him extra help with the subjects he struggles in.  

So where do I go from here?  I'm doing all I can after school to stear Aiden's extra help into academic subjects--especially reading.  This summer--along with a lot of childhood fun--I'm fighting to get him caught up!   

Balance

2016

A new year, and already so many transitions and changes for the entire family.  2016 has just begun and we've already said, "goodbye" to a former friend who was once a big part of our lives, and to our pet Loki.  While formally, our challenges were deeply rooted in financial struggles, and emotions surrounding Aiden's journey, I'm happy to say we have moved forward in a healthy direction in both regards.  Sadly, finding balance in our lives as a family of 6, meant letting go of being pet owners, and removing our family from an unhealthy relationship.  

So, January left me in tears sobbing and shaking on the living room floor when a former friend made me feel like the worst person ever.  She invited herself over to tell me how much I'd hurt her and her family.  I said a silent prayer as I hung up the phone with her, knowing full well that the conversation wasn't going to go well when she arrived.  "Please let this work out ok Heavenly Father.  Please."  It didn't go well at all.  

Last year--mid year, I took a step back from this relationship.  I recognized that I lived and breathed this person and her family, and it was taking away from who I was and what I needed to find balance.  I had my 4th child, and I struggled.  I struggled hard.  I was tired and overwhelmed (remember I had 3 other young children and a therapist in my home every day).  Struggling to find some sanity and balance, I kept moving forward doing what I was used to doing before, which eventually left me in burnt out mode.  I could no longer sustain what I was used to doing.  Something had to give, and it was my relationship to this person and ultimately that meant her family too.  I slowly stopped making an effort to spend time with this person.  I made fewer phone calls, and took more opportunities to stay home and cuddle my boys.  It was what I needed.  I had no intention of hurting her or her family--zero.  I simply needed a break from it all.  Instead of go, go, go, do, do, do, I needed more slow down Marian, and I knew it.  

So, I get it.  This person was hurt.  When formally we did almost everything together, it now became my life and her life were completely separate.  I was healthy and happy.  My life was balanced.  I had a ton of opportunities to do acts of service that I took when I had the time.  I found a new sense of purpose in my chosen career and pursued my passion and gained more knowledge in my field (I took the CPT exam).  I started to teach fitness and nutrition classes again.  I found myself, and my balance.  New opportunities came, and as I was able to see them, appreciate them, and take them, I found a new sense of self.  

THIS IS WHO I AM.  I am a good mother.  I am a great housekeeper.  I make cooking, homework, faith, reading, and sleep a priority in my home.  I engage with my kids for 2 hours after school playing games, completing homework, and setting a healthy example by preparing a meal most nights.  I live my faith.  I go to church.  I read my scriptures daily with my family.  I attend the temple.  I pay my tithing even when that means less money for food.  I pray ALWAYS.  I go to church and teach my children the gospel in our home.  We do family home evening/game night every Sunday.  We are not perfect in any way shape or form--I definitely have my struggles--but I'm a good Christian woman who is doing the best she can.  

So what happened that day came out of left field.  I had "burned her" and "hurt" her kids.  No.  I simply stopped making an effort in the relationship because it was no longer healthy for me to maintain it.  I had every right to do that.  I tried to do it slowly and kindly to ease the transition, but it didn't work for her.  "You are crazy".  "Stay away from my family!"  were her words.  Feeling defeated and confused I sent her away from my home where she will never return.  I don't feel a sense of closure over what happened--although I sent a nice message with the power of the spirit after I stopped shaking--we never did talk again in person.  I can only hope that if that happens, this time it will be with the spirit of God, not that of contention and anger.  I know I will find peace, clarity, and forgiveness with time, and so will she.

Shortly after, it became clear that is was time to give up our pet.  Heartache.  After Lydia's passing, and Aiden's difficulty through it, I hurt just thinking about what I was doing to my children.  I prayed so hard.  Please Heavenly Father this hurts.  I don't want to be the cause of suffering.  I don't know if I can watch Aiden struggle again.  This time, my prayer was answered.  A young man that we know who is struggling with depression was looking for a pet.  The transition couldn't have gone more perfect.  The kids did shockingly amazing!  I was so proud of Aiden for staying strong and understanding why mom had to give up our pet.  Meanwhile, I had to excuse myself to sob in the bathroom.  Loki was my girl.  The only other girl in this house but me.  I loved her enough to let her go.  I knew it was the right thing to do, even when my heart said, "no"!  I got down on my knees and prayed for the young boy and our beloved dog.  Let this be his happiness.  Please Heavenly Father.  I endured 10 years of depression.  Help him find his way through it like I did.  I know Loki is in a terrific home.  I know she will get what she deserves there.  I just couldn't be enough for her, and I knew it.  I loved her enough to say "goodbye".  

So, we move forward in 2016 with sadness and happiness.  I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and knows us by name.  I know he sustains us through the good and the bad.  I have a testimony of happiness that comes through doing the right thing.  I pray I will always do the right thing no matter how challenging it may seem.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.