Just when I was thinking that Aiden didn't need therapy anymore...sigh.
Today was a very challenging autism day, and begs the question--at what point do you try to change the odd behavior or ask society to accept it???
We had a beautiful program in our church today from all our youth. I cried. It was very sweet and spiritual to hear the little voices singing some of my favorite church songs. Then, a close friend and her family of 8 (soon to be 9) got up to sing together. It was a shining moment as I looked at them and looked down at my 2 little ones, grateful that Heavenly Father's plan for me was much different than mine. Austin happily sang and signed along with the conductor, while Aiden had Bambi propped on his head while making strange faces. My husband was upset that I let Aiden take his stuffed animal with him. Stuffed animals are Aiden's comfort. He always has one with him or waiting for him (he doesn't bring them to school, but comes home and picks one or 2 up right away). He gets super uncomfortably upset when he doesn't have 1 or loses one, so I chose my battle. I also didn't expect him to put it on his head. Abe says he needs to stop. "I don't want him teased." But stuffed animals are a part of who Aiden is. At what point do I stop trying to accommodate autism? Or should I? I personally think people need to accept his uniqueness. Yes, it was a little distracting, but I still felt the spirit of the program, and isn't that what mattered?
And, it wasn't over....
After church, we went to my mom and dad's. Of course, I took them to the park as usual. Aiden brought along Tigger this time. I didn't realize he had it until I saw him playing with him in the sand as I was cuddling the baby. He was digging a hole, hiding Tigger, then bringing him back out over and over. Suddenly, Aiden came to me sobbing. "I LOST TIGGER!" So, I did what we always do when he loses his stuffed animal (this happens OFTEN). Through his tears, we prayed together. Heavenly Father, Aiden is sad. Can you please help us find Tigger? It always works for us. After a short search, we find the missing toy. Not this time. For some reason, that is not what the Lord wanted for Aiden. I searched, Austin searched, Aiden searched. For the life of us, we couldn't find Tigger in the sand. Mind you, this was no small stuffed animal, and it was ORANGE! Finally, I had to tell Aiden that we had to go back to Grandma's. Oh that was awful. Aiden screamed, cried, and lost it completely. I loaded up the other 3, and started to walk back. Aiden eventually followed, pulling at the stroller and screaming, "I want to find Tigger! I WANT TO FIND TIGGER!" He tried locking the stroller wheels to get me to stop, but I pressed on. There was nothing I could do. We prayed. We searched for over 20 minutes. We prayed again. What could I do? Still screaming we got back to Grandma's and I asked Abe to sit on Aiden. Deep pressure helped us before, and it helped again. Aiden finally calmed down. Abe grabbed a rack and took Aiden back to the park. No luck. Tigger was really lost. He must have buried him DEEP! Later after dinner, Grandpa AND Grandma went out to try to find him. Seriously, it just wasn't meant to be. How do you lose a medium sized ORANGE stuffed animal in the sand??? What was Heavenly Father trying to teach Aiden? A lesson in loss? A lesson for us? Will he remember this moment years from now? I don't quite understand why Heavenly Father wouldn't give back Aiden's Tigger this time. However, lessons in faith aren't always understood at the time they come.
AUTISM...you are part of our lives for good, and will always be a part of who Aiden is. Sometimes I wish I understood it better, and sometimes, I just want to take it away.
