Saturday June 1st, we had to say "goodbye" to our dog.
May 2013
Having a child with special needs, a trying 3 year old, and an infant has been hard. It was even more challenging when I was potty training 2 children at once, and then the baby started crawling. If I'm being honest, having a pet was a challenge for me. There were times when I really felt like it was best to give her up to someone who had more time and love for her. Lydia had a problem from the start. She just couldn't hold it. She pooped and peed everywhere, and that made life even harder on me. If it wasn't one of the boys, it was the dog's mess I had to clean up (I recently cleaned up a poop smear on Aiden's wall, and even after her passing, there was still pee to clean up on the landing). But, Lydia was our family pet from the start. When we had children, our relationship with the dog changed, but she was still our dog. Aiden loved her so much I just couldn't give her up. It broke my heart to think about the pain I would put him through if I gave her away. To ease my burden, I had Aiden feed Lydia every day, and she was the one who walked her. We went for walks nearly every day when it was nice out. Lydia became Aiden's dog.
Saturday was a great day. We spent most of the day with my mom and dad. Lydia loves it there. As soon as I said "grandma's" she got excited and literally lept out of the house with joy. June 1st was no exception. I remember making sure Lydia was inside while the boys were playing in the backyard. My parents don't have a fenced in yard, and sometimes she ran away. I remember patting her head lightly that evening, and that was the last time I saw her.
Our family went for a walk and enjoyed smores by the fire with my mom and dad. Their dog was acting strange. She was standing in the hallway just staring at me. Normally, she would have joined us outside. There was poop in the hallway. Normal for Lydia, even though her mess was usually close to a door. I didn't think much of it. Until it was time to leave. Lydia usually sleeps under the chair at grandma's, but she was under the bed. At some point, she had passed away. My dad was the one who told me. I was so shocked. "What? No...." "what am I going to tell my little boy?" Sure enough Aiden was heart broken. He held her and cried when she didn't respond. We went home that night in shock. All of us. What happened? Was it something we did? Lydia was 7 years old. She was young, and there were few signs that something wasn't right.
Aiden didn't handle it well. He was crying in the car and kept saying, "Lydia fell down. Poor Lydia." I cried for Aiden. My heart broke for him. Thankfully, Austin seemed to be just fine.
The next day we returned to grandma and grandpa's to say our final goodbyes. Aiden walked right in asking, "where is Lydia?" "We have to find Lydia." More crying. This time it was me. I wish I knew what his sweet little special brain was thinking. We decided to let Aiden see her one more time. He said, "you found Lydia!" Then he realized that Lydia was not as she once was, and he started to cry. We buried her and said goodbye as we cried for Aiden and the loss of our pet. She may have been a challenge, but we loved her. She was ours.
The next day Aiden kept saying, "poor Lydia" all.day.long. He no longer asked for her. I hope that meant he knew she wasn't coming back. I said a prayer for Aiden. Help him handle this.
Yesterday it was my turn. Shock turned to sadness for our entire family. When the baby left food behind, I almost left it for Lydia, and for a brief moment, I tried to let her back inside forgetting that she wasn't here anymore.
Funny how a family pet will make you appreciate life more, cherish the moments you have, and love those more deeply than you did before.
From my husband:
Lydia,
From the first day Marian laid eyes on you she said, "that's my dog." You've been a part of our family since day one. You were with us through the birth of all three of our boys. Though you never really understood what the bathroom outside was, we learned to adjust...
He didn't finish this, but I found it, and felt it appropriate to add here. He misses her too...
Goodbye Lydia. You are missed!
