Sadness...
I met with Aiden's team leader last week, and it went so poorly, I had to phone a friend for support afterwards. I don't know why Aiden attending Kindergarden means so much to me. It upsets me that I may not have a choice but to homeschool Aiden in the Fall. The Waiver program has changed since we went on the waiting list. They have 2 options: 15-20 hours a week, or 30-40--no more 20-30. It sounds like we will no longer be able to reduce hours once we start, which means Kindergarden just won't happen if we go with 30-40 hours/week. I can't expect that many hours of attention from Aiden. I argued that I didn't feel Aiden needed 30 + hours a week, and that I wanted him to be with his peers next Fall. She was very clear that: 1) the science isn't there for <20 hours a week, and we should start with 30 for at least the first year, 2) stating that Aiden will attend Kindergarden in the fall would send up a major red flag for the Waiver program, who would be more than happy to kick us out if we go under hours. I hate this so much. Of course, I'm going to make the right decision for AIDEN. When fall comes, I could completely change my mind, and I will be the first to admit that I was wrong. However, I never do what doesn't feel right, and this just doesn't feel right at all to me. I feel completely inadequate as Aiden's teacher, I have 2 other children to care for, and I feel there will be opportunities in the school district that I just can't provide--that includes opportunities to interact with peers! Some will say I'm crazy, this is only 2 years, and the therapy is much more important. I can't help but wonder though...what if I wasn't a stay-at-home mom? What would happen then? Aiden just wouldn't get therapy? I don't know what is going to happen when Abe graduates in May. Are we moving? Can we even find a job? Where do my children's education fit into all this? Aiden is going to get a whole lot of attention starting in April, and I can't help but worry about my 3 year old. Aiden and Austin are so close; what is going to happen to their relationship? What about Austin's needs?
If I could have it my way, Aiden would do 30 + hours of therapy all summer (we've already decided against summer school this year), then decrease his hours to 20-25 when he starts Kindergarden in the fall. The only way that seems possible is if Abe gets a job and we actually have insurance. Otherwise, we take the chance of losing Waiver funding, and starting all over. I simply won't let that happen.
